The Mayan Apocalypse

Will the world come to an end on 21st December 2012?

It better not. I’m having my carpets cleaned that afternoon.

NorovirusWe could all die of plague! There’s one sweeping the land at this moment. (True, but not lethal, unless you are very old, very young, or otherwise very frail – and also very far from any hospital.)

God will smite usIreland is going to pass legislation that will give girls and women whose lives are threatened by pregnancy a clear if limited right to access abortion.

God will smite us60% of British people agree that same-sex couples should have a legal right to get married, in a church if the minister is willing to be celebrant.

God will smite us – “Shout it aloud, do not hold back. Raise your voice like a trumpet. Declare to my people their rebellion and to the descendants of Jacob their sins. For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them. ‘Why have we fasted,’ they say, ‘and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves, and you have not noticed?’ “Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please and exploit all your workers.” (Isaiah 58, New International version)

The supervolcano in Yellowstone Park could erupt, potentially any time now – there’s a super-eruption every six to seven hundred thousand years, and the last one was 640,000 years ago, give or take a year or two. Enough about smiting: if there is a super-eruption at Yellowstone, most living things in the US – even including Republicans – will die. Followed, quite possibly, with volcanic ash blocking out the sun causing years of winter, and a mass extinction which the human species is unlikely to survive. Well… except that geologists generally agree that Yellowstone is nowhere near eruption. It will someday – in the next sixty thousand years or so – but not on Friday.

Mount Vesuvius could erupt. That is actually more likely sometime in the near future, and when it does, for about half a million people, death will come as it came to Pompeii and Herculaneum. The Italian government plan a huge evacuation – three million people with a chance of survival if they can be got out of the zone in a matter of hours, leaving their homes, their possessions, everything they had behind to be destroyed. This would not be an extinction event, but it would be a huge and terrible natural disaster – which is unlikely to happen on 21st December.

There could be a sub-Atlantic earthquake causing five metre high waves with a run-in of 250 metres along the coastlines of Europe and North America. (There probably won’t be, but there could: that’s what’s happened in the transatlantic Lisbon tsunami of 1755.) The tsunami could destroy Glasgow, Liverpool, Cardiff; would drown the Fens, flood Leith, could – with bad luck in tides and wind – overwhelm the Thames Barrier and drown London. None of this is actually likely on Friday, though. Unless you think the seismologists are keeping it quiet because they’re followers of Cthulhu.

The winter solstice is 11.11 GMT on Friday 21st December, and if you join the faithful in the Awakening of Cthulhu at that time He may be merciful and eat your brains first when He rises.

The economy could crash irretrievably!

Well, yes. Sadly, the way the Tories/LibDems are taking us in their war on working-class people, it very probably will. But not, most likely, on 21st December. Chili hot chocolate

Relax and enjoy a chili hot chocolate. Do what the ancient Mayans did. Buy a new calendar.

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